Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm getting married
To pizza
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
jump out the window naked night went bad
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
