RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize