I'm gonna have a badass scar
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
