Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
