my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
