I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well you can't waste a boner
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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