Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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