I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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