Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
