Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just had sex bonerless
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
