I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
from now on my penis is your penis
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
