my sisters under your porch take her home
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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