batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
