Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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