I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
