Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
