dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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