All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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