Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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