And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
