What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
