i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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