Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
