the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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