im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
