I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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