Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
