Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The best revenge is premature balding
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
God, I missed his penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
