would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
