He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's a naked man in my car right now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
