I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
