I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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