You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
