Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
