dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
