her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i believe in u and ur pee
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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