How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
