it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
