I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
