1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
