yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
