dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
