eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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