is your mom at the bar?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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