Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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