My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
