I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have aggressive nipples.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
