Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
