Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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