when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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