Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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