I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
