I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
