You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
