I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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