Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
