This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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