you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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