remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
