I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
