If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
