You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
