My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
