and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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