Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i believe in u and ur pee
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
