I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize