nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
