i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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