All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
