Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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